2001-05-06 - 6:59 p.m.
#55: No Need for a Rather Overused Topic for a Journal Entry
Note to self: It seems that I'm not happy in Uni, and I'm not happy OUT of it. If I stay in University, I look forward to another 2 (or more) years of trying to pull my way through my studies and emerge with some kind of a passing grade. But if I decide to leave, I enter the wide unfamiliar expanse that is job searching. I don't have the first clue to searching for a job outside of family connections. So either I stay with something familiar, within the academic institutions that are slowly sucking away my enthusiasm for life, or I venture out into the unknown, the workplace, and get thoroughly lost. Or I can stay at home and remain torn by indecision for the rest of my life. Hmmm. That choice is even less appealing than the other two, which is a plus at least. Course, that's where I'm AT and it's hard to get out of a rut, y'know?
Was thinking of writing a Giant Robo dissertation today, mainly to clear up the many plot points in the series and to try to put them into a logical order in my own mind.... But since that would mean typing out spoilers for some people, I think I'll leave it till later when I've shown the rest of the eps. It's a wonderfully written tragedy that builds up to a tremendous crescendo, and to reveal the story without BEING there and experiencing the tale just wouldn't be right. It'll be like trying to convey a great movie that relies on both the medium of visual and sound by writing a technical summary of the plot. I hope I'm not setting peoples bar of expectation for the series too high and thus come out out of it disappointed.... But hey, if they can't appreciate it, I'll just break out one of my Malaysian (badly) dubbed Dragonball Z tapes and force feed it to them. How do you like THEM apples? ^_^
So.... That leaves me an entry to write with nothing to write about. Weekends are always quiet for me, because I make it so. I usually wake up late or I get up early for a while, see nothing's interesting on telly, then crawl back to bed. This usually leaves me lethargic for the rest of the day when I DO get up, so I really don't do much at all to keep myself below the low energy threshold. Yes, I am a real life Garfield. Fear me.
Hmmmmm.... I hate feeling useless like this, but I usually don't try to do anything that would get me out of it. I mean, what's my motivation? I never really feel motivated to do anything. Once I followed a strict daily routine which worked fairly well.... Got me through my years at preparatory and the first years of my high school quite well. What the heck happened to that, anyway? How could I lose something that kept me ticking, kept me energetic and most importantly: kept me from getting bored? Nowadays whenever I think of doing something, some part of my brain says "Why do it when you can just sit put and NOT do it?" and that's the part I always listen to. I mean, I once tried to make a resolution that whenever that voice came up again, I'd ignore it and do whatever it was that popped into my brain; but then the voice came up and said, "Why make the resolution when you can sit put and NOT make it?". So that resolution died fairly quickly. I think I need some kind of neurosurgery to get rid of that insidious little voice. And maybe the others as well. They keep telling me to hurt myself. @_@
Hmmm, I'm probably repeating another one of my journal entries here, so I should stop now. Maybe I'll finally do the dishes from Friday night. But why do that when I can just sit put and NOT do it? Urgh. Stupid brain. Be more in control of incessant little voices, or I shall stab you with a q-tip!
