2001-10-24 - 11:41 p.m.
#94: No Need for Contemplative Meditation (no, really!)
Note to self: coooooooooooooookiiiiiiiiiiiieeeeee dooooooooouggggghh icccceeeeeee eeeeeeeeaaaammmm....
Woke up at 8AM to see my parents off as they boarded the shuttlebus to go to the airport. Well, when I say "see my parents off" I mean more of a "wave from my bed when they knocked on the door to show I was semi-conscious". That was a bad start to the week I was supposed to think certain issues regarding my future more seriously. Though when I did wake up, I managed to stay away from turning on the computer first thing in the morning (as per my laidback morning schedule) and instead went through the motions of a more well adjusted adult: brushing my teeth, combing my hair, shaving my chin, making myself a mug of hot beverage.... Settling down to an artery clogging breakfast of toasted ham and cheese sandwiches with a side of scrambled eggs (ahhhh.... Nothing like having an entire kitchen to yourself to cook all those fattening, fried foods your mother never let you make if she could help it). Yes, it was all going so well: I was reawakening my former neat and unbearded self! And then I found I'd somehow walked back into my room without even thinking so and was pressing the power button to my computer. Bugger. I guess there are a few kinks to my schedule I have to iron out. Still, I managed to last 30 minutes of my waking moments without directly launching myself into the world of cyberspace and desktop sorting mania! That's something isn't it? Isn't it? I think I won't push that matter here.
I've really let myself go these last few months.... Well, actually it's not TOO different from what I'd been doing since I started attending University, (hence the gradually curving grade average from when I started to when I decided to finish. From hero to zero, as they say) but at least back then I was in University and had to adhere to some kind of regular program. When university disappeared from my life, I basically said "bollocks to all that!" and let hygiene and healthy mealtimes go. I should probably pick them up again to make it easier to fit back into normal society. Nothing like regulated cycles to make one feel like a human being again. That sounds so wrong. -_-;;; But the routines should help me relearn to manage my time better. Or at least make me smell better. I'm not sure if people around me have noticed (people APART from my mother.... she who starts complaining when my hair grows a SMIDGEN of an inch past my ears), but I've taken to bathing on a rather irregular basis. Hmmmmm. In saying that, I think I've probably just condemned myself now to a life of studious cleanliness, lest I be sniffed at every opportunity by the people who read this journal. On the otherhand, I could roll about in something really stinky and take my could-be revenge on people who would perk their noses at me in an antagonistic manner. That's something to look forward to, I guess.
But apart from trying to reestablish a healthy schedule, what else have I been doing today to take advantage of my time alone? Absolutely zilch, really. The fact that I have this HUGE house all to myself for a week is one that I enjoy most immensely. It means I can get to laze about in three different areas of the house now instead of the one in my bedroom. I'm not sure if my mother's aware of this, but she's one of the reasons I steer clear (or keep my time to an absolute minimum) of the large living room areas of the house. Her penchant for lecturing me all the time more or less keeps me holed up in my room.... Just to escape from her gaze and pretend I don't really exist. Hence with her being away, I'm able to swing my arms freely and skip around the halls unfettered by her stern voice! And I can do it all while dressed in just my underwear! Yes, the next time one strides around my home, they can think to themselves: "Hmmmm. Edwyn was naked here." and then sigh dreamily or regurgitate disgustedly as appropriate. I'm hoping it'll be the latter (just not on the carpeted areas!), cause I don't think I could handle people doing the former. O.o Oh my.
In a way, I think this was what my dad had intended (no, not the dancing nekkid in a homage to Risky Business bit! I mean the "being away from my mothers scrutinising eye" bit! Although the dancing nekkid bit is a welcome bonus....). With my mother gone down south to Dunedin with him, I can have some time to myself without having to deal with finding different ways to avoid my mother for the day. And now that he's left me with something to think about, I have all the time in the world to think about it.... Free of the distraction of thinking up of different ways to avoid my mother (that acts as a block to the rest of my coherent thoughts). Unfortunately, it's not free from the distraction of my computer; but considering that I've just recently been getting bored with being stuck on it all the time, that shouldn't be too much of a problem. Especially since I've got the rest of the house to "explore" now. Now if only I didn't have a TV, a VCR and a copy of the South Park: Bigger, Longer and Uncut movie.... It's one of those films I wouldn't have DARED to watch while my mother was around, along with my hardcore grandma n' animal pr0n and sex midgets hentai. I mean, "other videos". Yeah. So I now have a small pile of videos in front of the TV and VCR setup in the living room right now, begging to be watched after months of being confined in my room without entertaining anyone. Oh, so many distractions.... But I have to be firm and resolute!
Which is why someone probably needs to take away my new mobile phone.... Along with watching German Scheissen sex videos, I've been playing around with the settings on my new vibrating toy. The mobile. I meant the mobile, not any.... "other" vibrating toy. Yes. Well anyway, for something whose original purpose was just communication, there's a bundle of stuff you can do on this sweet little thing (i.e. the mobile). But I ignored it all in favour of playing Bantumi, which is based on a childrens game back in Malaysia (at least, I think so....). Deviously simple concept, yet thoroughly addictive to play.... Why in god's name was I playing such games on a mobile phone when I had the complete Baldurs Gate 2 series and Final Fantasy 8 installed on my computer??? It doesn't make any sense!?? @_@ Bah. And when I wasn't playing that, I was trying to compose my own unique dialtone using the built-in composer (based on the actioney version of the Metal Gear Solid theme, as heard in the MGS2 trailers). Argh.... Too many things to distract me! I'll make a point to ignore them now that I know what they are....
As to tomorrow.... What shall I do tomorrow with all of this in mind? I think I'll make a list of what I want to do. Not necessarily how to go about accomplishing them but.... Just my dreams or what I hope to do to make my way. That's a good start, I thing. Depending on the list, I may not decide to post it here.... In fact, I'm most probably NOT going to post it here. For one thing, it's probably going to be intensely personal, and this being an online journal it really isn't the best place to put that sort of thing down. And for another thing, if I don't acheive even the most simplest of the tasks I'd laid down for myself in the list, I'm gonna be mighty embarassed with myself. So this is a way to make sure nobody ever finds out if I'm a failure or not! ^_^ Erm.... Rhetorically speaking, I mean.
So.... Until tomorrow! Keep reading to be updated with the who, the what and the how-now of Edwyn's world!
